Memory Machines

I was recently challenged to create a piece of art with a single one foot square wooden box for an exhibition at the Anne and Ellis Gallery of Art with some great artists.

Memory Machine I, Mixed Media, Photographs, and e-waste, 2021

I have recently been going through photographs from my senior year of college, one of the hardest years I have experienced as an adult. I spent an entire semester in the dark room, frustrated, crying, but determined to dive deeply into these feelings of hopelessness and use them creatively. The process of developing film was a parallel to an idea of looking deeply with patience into my own psyche. I know, a little deep for me, but looking back on it, these internal explorations were really key to bringing out some photographs and photograms that Im really proud of. Anywho, I have been looking through not only the photographs from this year, but an important box that has been in my closet for years, waiting for the right moment; a moment where I was healed enough to confront its contents. This box has over 15 years of journals in it- destroyed. I’ll explain: In my post-divorce mid to late 20’s I found myself hanging around with a terrible crowd that really brought out the absolute worst in me. Drugs, drinking, etc. In the years prior, I had kept my collection of journals (that I’ve been writing in since middle school) in absolute pristine condition. Whenever I moved having those journals safely contained and kept together was so incredibly important with me. A “boyfriend” I had began to literally destroy my life and burn bridges left and right. I was taken advantage of, and at a time where I still hadn’t learned to regulate my emotions properly and refused to seek consistent mental health. In a rage I destroyed these journals. Just tore them to pieces while he sat there and watched. (This is getting a little personal, but stay with me here it gets better I promise.)

I kept all the pieces in this box, and put the box in the closet. Everytime I looked at it I felt some kind of way, until recently when the soul-stinging stopped. I finally started looking through it. I’m not finished yet, but as I’ve been reading some of the pieces of pages, I struggled to decide whether to put the pages back together, or use them for art. Do I want an archive of my thoughts or an expression of them? I think for me the answer is both. Some things I want to remember with almost painful clarity, other things, I’m okay with forgetting. I’ll let you know when I finish. :)

Jump to a few months ago, i started looking through these photographs again, the ones from college, as I was planning pieces for a show with my good friend Melissa Coffey called Gone. The show is still in development but the premise is this: the analysis of life before and life after. Loss. Catharsis. Devastation. Love. Everything that surrounds grief in its many forms. I’m really excited for this show. Anyways, I planned to make a collage of these photographs, but hadn’t decided on what they should look like. This one foot box show came up, so I decided to take the idea for a spin.

(Long story for such a small piece, yes?)

I also had several large totes worth of e-waste and broken electronics parts from a class I taught for a summer camp about electronic assemblage, technology, and technology related art. So I got this vision of moving parts of a machine and the way we process and store memories. So, the official statement for the piece:

"Memory Machines are a series of mixed media, collage and e-waste sculptural boxes exploring the way we process, view, and store memories. In Memory Machine I, photographs, photo experiments and photograms were all cut and collaged together to create a background, which compares to the way we have pieces of memories, large and small, accurate and fabricated (or maybe at least just lightly tweaked for dramatic effect) sort of floating just outside of everday reach. Then hinges and broken computer parts were used to create moving arms which attached to other memory elements; the specific memory being recalled in the center is a blurry one of light hearted skeletal souls just beyond the veil of reality. One of the mechanical arms brings an old pair of glasses (My first pair, actually, before i discovered fashionable plastic alternatives) into the center with the hope of making the vision clearer. The glasses are supported delicately on a chain and decorative metal loop attached to an eyelet at the top of the piece; keys serve as a counterweight to balance the slight instability of the glasses. another arm brings a small suspended safety pin with skull charms, a precious but important memento mori. Future Memory Machines are intended to also include photographs and journal entries. “

I’m excited to be creating again.